


The Sexual Harassment Case Against Deadpool

by trollmela



Series: We're Superheroes [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Language, Non-Consensual Groping, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trollmela/pseuds/trollmela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things that never happened during the time Tony played mentor to Spider-Man: the Deadpool situation which turns into a discussion about product placement. (And an underage warning may or may not be appropriate.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sexual Harassment Case Against Deadpool

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning** : Since Peter is sixteen in this story, it almost warrants an "underage" warning. There is no 'on screen' sexual harassment or assault happening, but attempts at unwanted groping is discussed. Judge for yourself whether you want to read this story with that in mind.
> 
> The story could also be considered slash, I ticked 'gen' because there is no relationship and no sexual activity, although the very end is clearly open to slashy interpretation. Finally, there is one very bad word. As Captain America would say: "Language!"
> 
> And if you think I should change the category/tags, please let me know. If I had a beta, I would have had a very long discussion with them about what boxes this story fits in.

There were certain situations Tony got into with Parker which he would never admit to. If someone asked him about them on his deathbed, he would deny that they ever happened. The Deadpool situation was one of those. It started innocently enough:

"So... have you heard about Deadpool?"

Peter was looking shifty though, so the situation clearly wasn’t as innocent as Tony liked to believe.

"Crazy mercenary, yep." Tony narrowed his eyes at him. "Did you meet him? Whose side was he on? You may want to get out of his way, I think he's more than you can handle."

"Ha ha!” Peter laughed, and he sounded half sarcastic and half nervous. “I'm trying to stay out of his way, but he won't let me. He keeps trying to grab my ass."

"Excuse me?!" Tony straightened, eyes suddenly sharp and overall looking very close to putting on his suit.

"It's ... kind of embarrassing."

"It's sexual harassment of a minor, that's what it is!" Tony declared loudly.

"Wow, you know that concept? I wasn't planning on reporting him, it would just be good if he stopped following me around and keeping me from doing my _job_."

"He'll stop following you around right after I've given him the worst beating of his life with my suit," Tony decided. "Does he know you're underage?"

"Would you stop emphasizing that? You slept with TAs who had ten years on you when you were sixteen at MIT. Don't deny it, it's on Wikipedia. And Wikipedia is always right."

Tony shot him a withering look.

"That was nothing at all like what Deadpool is doing. I was mentally very mature-”

“Wait just a minute, are you saying I’m not?”

“You’re like fourteen-”

“Sixteen! Since last week!”

Tony’s brain short-circuited. “Shit. I forgot your birthday.”

“Yep.” Peter had a talent for looking very disappointed when he wanted to. It wasn’t like he hadn’t mentioned his birthday to Tony. Ten times.

“You wouldn’t happen to be allergic to strawberries, would you?”

The teen frowned at him. “Um, no?”

“Good. Do you want a car?”

“A car?”

“Yes, a car. I thought we’d been over the science basics by now.”

“I know what a car is, Mr. Stark.” Clearly the boy was getting mutinous. “But it would be extremely obvious if after years of struggling to make ends meet, I suddenly drive to school in an Acura.”

“Audi. I switched to Audi a while back.”

Peter blinked. He was getting his ‘disappointed face’ out again. “What happened to your American capitalist mindset? You couldn’t have picked a Dodge Viper?”

“The Germans give me a bigger discount for driving their cars. Now, what were you saying about Deadpool? Right, I was going to get my suit for that!”

“Wait, what about my car??”

* * *

In Deadpool’s defense, he really didn’t know. He was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a motherfucking pedophile.

And if this were slash story, he would have said: “I can wait two years.”

But this wasn’t intended to be a slash story and, understandably, Deadpool found it rather hard to speak with a broken jaw.


End file.
